Non-sequitur
em 20.03.00

Lost my love. Got a job. Got a haircut. Lost my mind. Lost my focus. Got some freedom? Found my rage. Lost my peace. Just want to sleep. Can't sleep. Want to run away. There's no place. Lost my dreams. Lost in dreams. Found some power. Lost the will. Caught a cold. Found my doubts. Lost any happiness. Was betrayed. Throwed punches. Heard lies. Spoke the truth. Cried a lot. I still do. Feel so lonely. Can't look up. Can't fight. Lost my power. Found my words. An old love. Lost my reason. Never had one. Fell from grace. From her arms. Lost my pride. Begged so much. Feel so righteous. Feel so much. Made mistakes. Always do. Forgave errors. Always do. Was my best. Not enough. Feel so lonely. The world went away. Falling so fast. Just want to go. Have some rest. Want to fight. Draw some blood. Can't hurt her. Albeit I should. I can't wait. Can't fight. Can't fight time. Everything is tainted by her touch. She's all I want. Miss her so much. Can't go out. Feel afraid. Can't stay in. Stalemate. Lost so much. Never did before. Had nothing before. Still don't. She made me better. Found something I can't hide. Lost so much on her tears. Lost her. Lost myself. Where to go to? What to do? Miss my records. Touch her pictures looking for her. Can't wait. She won't come back. Have my life. Have myself. "Just want something I can never have". Feel like nothing. Want nothing. Be nothing. But I can't. Want to hide. Want something that matters. Can't see any. Nothing to do. No place to go. Feel afraid. Doubt everything. Doubt I can write. Doubt you'll read. Doubt I'll like. Want to go back to her. To her arms. To her face. To her dreams. Dreamt of her lots of times. Sex was false, I could tell. Kisses and words were not true enough. Wake up crying. With dreams I can't cope with. Want to hate. I'm trying to. Don't think I can. Her, I never could. And had reasons. Letdowns. I still believe. Don't know why. Never thought love could be like this. I know I was good. In everything. Can't carry her. Did I try to? If I could, I'd heal me. I'd heal her. She knows that, I hope. But just can't wait. I'll be fit. I'll be fine. I'll work. I'll be better, in everything. Break my shackles. Break my love. Surprise her. She still wants my love. Doesn't want me. Love her so much. Want to hate. Want her back. Want me safe. Thought she had changed. I see the same girl. So there is love still. It was good to say goodbye. Heard things she had never said. Good and bad. Got to hold on to the bad things. So I can let her go. But the good ones are still hangin' around. I want to run. Away from here. Away from her. Away from me. To her. Still don't know what to do. Don't know what I need. Don't know what I want. Don't know what she needs. Don't know what she wants. Just don't know.

Non-sequitur.